THE ART OF THE FREE FALL
In the Flat Penché the torso is in the laying position with legs straight and split apart as far as possible, front to back. The lower leg is extended backward from the torso, the upper leg is extended forwards. The hand on the same side as the back leg holds the back leg at the knee. The other arm is extended outward in line with the torso.
I awake before dawn, engulfed in this feeling that my body has been soaring through time and space. Breathless. Like I’ve traveled to some unearthly place, like I've tucked myself back into my body just before consciousness creeps in.
This is what resonates in that quiet morning place of in between—
the healing resides not in doing battle with myself, but in viewing this season of my [still beautiful] life as if jumping out of a plane.
It appears that I have become a Cloud Dancer in this season of utter unpredictability. The question becomes, will I allow myself to tumble out of orbit or dance in forms of arabesques and windmills along the way?
The sky is crowded where I’ve been and where I’m heading. All of us practicing and perfecting the art of the free fall—
The injections, the IV’s, the treatments in awkward spaces, and impossible conversations behind closed doors...all of it not something remotely observed but proprietary, owned and held in the innermost places. It is ours, not to war with our bodies but to release what binds us, to make our peace—
The mistake is in believing the hard things are a departure from what we believe life should or should not be. If I am to heal, there can be no dispute that the clouds are an integral part of the sky—
To view myself as victim would remove the mystery of the “why me?” The secret to a life turned upside down is discovering I’m not falling away but toward precisely where I’m supposed to be.
In the end, What must be done, should be done, as if it were my idea in the first place.
Life, for me, is as simple as this—
All the struggling and consternation will not take the hard thing back.
The complaining and begrudging won’t make it disappear.
Sidestepping and excuse-making gives power to the fear.
When we decide to own what 'is,' the trajectory of our bodies in space and time shifts.
And there becomes this phenomenon that allows everyone around us to calm and take a breath. “How does she do it?” they will wonder.
But you will understand…
Free falling, like every difficult thing, is agreeing that I can control my movement, but I cannot control the wind.
NOTES:
We all board the shuttle at 7am, some with faces shadowed in the evidence of a hard night.
The day will be equally difficult. We take our green breakfast while being hooked up to IVs. Mine is connected directly to the port embedded in my chest. We pray together, eat together, change into our robes together. The bond is instant and unforgettable. You don't need to hear the stories. They are etched into determined eyes, imbedded into bruised arms, evident in the slow cadence of bodies that endure.
The average is 10 treatments in a day, followed by in room treatments back at the hotel: We are taxed, bodies and minds. Yet through and in all, our spirits are remarkably, otherworldly high.
This is a rare place where science, woo-woo, and miracles collide. Where the results of “experimental” are measurable and real. What we endure for twenty-one days has the potential to birth a lifetime of moments stolen by disease. Healing comes when body, mind, and soul are aligned. There is no other way.
Photo Caption—
The secret to Free Falling is saying "YES!" to every therapy. This is me in Hyperthermia. I am given oxygen and then loaded into what is fondly called the "pizza oven" and my body is heated to over 107 degrees. After taking the photo, my arms are tucked in. Why? Because cancer hates oxygen and heat. I am still working on being loaded into the inflatable hyperbaric chamber...be patient with me.