US

Their courtship was a long one by anyone’s standards. Erin would agree that dating our oldest son, Kyle, was a lesson in patience and unconditional love.   

Five years ago, today [June 20], that steadfast belief in the murmurings of the heart led them to stand under the woven branches of a marriage canopy foraged and fashioned by the hands that cradled and coached the boy into man.

Thirty-nine years today, that same mama and dad made their own pledge of faithfulness. Same day. Two generations. Unplanned yet eternally intended.   

I think of the Erin I knew at the beginning of that courtship and the woman she is today. 

Her sense of self has strengthened their union, their “us” in humble and powerful ways. Five years of mutual dedication and a baby on the way.   

Was I that strong in our beginning years? 

Twenty-two was, even in my own assessment, probably way too young to be married. But I wanted him. And there was really nothing that could stop the force of our mutual determination.    I wishI could say that I have been the perfect partner. Confession: I have not been the perfect partner.  

What I have been is completely and relentlessly committed to him [the person] and to our marriage [the partnership] without fail.   

I would like to believe that I have made our life together interesting, unpredictable, elegant, dimensional, and authentic, both through a steadfast determination to do so and with a complete willingness to lean into the inevitable surprises.

I am a better person because of what I have learned from deciding to love even in the hard moment. 

Those “hard moments” seem to be everywhere now. But in the very definition of “us” is this emergent imperative to put away anger, bitterness, distraction and judgement and find a way to love, starting with the one who lays right next to me in the darkest hours. Thirty-nine years tells me in a whisper that time is short and love is endless. 

There are no limits to love if we are unafraid. Isn’t that true, especially now?  

Sometimes the most-brave thing we can do is say what’s in our hearts. 

The following words were written for Ron in honor of our “us.”  In reading them, in context of events of the day, it occurred to me that every single thing we are and bring to the world starts with the relationships in our sanctuaries. We decide what’s next… through our willingness to come up close, through our determination to give all of who we are to things worth fighting for.  

And that kind of power is extraordinary.

Us.

Within such a tiny word contains the power and possibility of the universe. To endure the world and recognize its faults as separate from the perfection of our union will be perfection in itself. For all that comes outside and apart from us is of the world and does not exist within the promise of our partnership and our agreement to hope beyond and in spite of what can be seen. 

In giving me, now, I move to new territory where boundaries are less defined and vulnerability becomes thick as air.  This sacred trust blazes new trails in the heart so that pain becomes inevitable yet sweeter through the gain.

You who have given all to this exploration are mightily revered even as we agree to pay the consequences of commitment. To stand, though life and love lead often to more treacherous waters, is the definition of an us that gathers God’s affections. 

Though life’s fragility and grief will inevitably fade the boldness of the hue, let the soft changing color be cause for celebration, for that which remains is of our creation.