BE CAREFUL NOT TO LOSE YOURSELF

Be Careful Not To Lose Yourself - that's what I tell myself as I feel my stomach tighten and my fingers clench. This is not me, the one that reveres understanding yet understands that there are things in unseen places that I may never fully know.

How is it that I allow all of "this" to lure me to the quarrel and commotion before sitting quietly with my own thoughts and that audible Other voice that tells the truth in all situations?

I am first and above all the child of this Author and I am my best for the world at this reminding.

Awareness over angst is my mantra. I am aware that I am breathing and with each inhale comes the realization that only one breath can be had at a time. Only one. A cadence wired in the essence of who I am to remind me that the chaos of "everything" is not meant for who and what I am created to be.

I am Warrior but not Commander. I must release the lie that every battle depends on me and believe that there are others who may be smarter, better equipped, gifted, and even called to the moment. Not every moment is mine.

Before "agreeing," body, mind, and spirit, I count the cost, recognizing that giving me to anything may require an abandoning of my most-revered roles.—Woman. Wife. Mother. Even, Lady.— Not merely roles but deeply rooted aspects of my person-hood must be guarded and defended from any word and deed that seeks to break these down and strip them away.

There is no danger in leaning into my softer side.

In truth, that softness invites others to put into context that not all is bitter. The sweetness of the world is meant and intended, not for trivial pursuit but as a necessary counterbalance. Without its recognition, context falls away and all things become impossible…and nothing is impossible.

I may lose. But I will not lose myself. Nothing in process or in outcome is worth that cost.