THIS EMPTINESS

Sometimes I talk about difficult things. Not to elicit sadness but to inspire the self-reflection that demands that we are ready when the hard moment comes.

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This has been a week of hard moments, one right after the other. I, like you, am doing my best to not allow myself to be overcome. This is the necessary qualifier—Everything I’m about to say comes in context of a deep, abiding faith.

What I’ve noticed about my relationship with my Creator is that when my faith is challenged, I love that my first response is to run toward Him and not away…toward the need, toward the angst, toward the roar.

If something happens in the world [or in me] that makes me doubt, I assume it means I’ve missed something…in His voice, in His character, in His grace. Like the pages in a book, I go back, paragraph by paragraph, to find the missing link. The answer to my confusion must be in the lines I skipped, in something I initially overlooked.

If I am pushing back instead of leaning in I have to assume I am not in alignment with what I’m supposed to feel, or learn, or see.

The first word uttered when I was given the news of my cancer was “no!” Isn’t it just so natural, even visceral, to rebuke the very thing meant to make us strong?

I was eating when the call came, the first time in five days. One minute I was ravenous. The next I couldn’t imagine taking another bite.

Revelation does that. It stops us in our tracks. It rearranges our days.

The body is designed this way. To respond to crisis by making room for what’s ahead. In those early months, and now for three years, I have learned that going without is [mostly] lifesaving, not only as it relates to the body, but the spirit as well.  

Many years ago, in a counseling session I was having a really hard time taking all the truth of my situation in. Without realizing, I was sitting in my chair, chewing my nails. “Janene,” my counselor interrupted my thoughts, “Take your fingers out of your mouth and allow yourself to feel.”

 What are you devouring that is numbing you?  

In the fury of my self-imposed helplessness, the revelation comes that I have all the power in the world—

To lean into the void,

To listen to the silence,

To allow the grief to permeate every cell.

This emptiness. So uncomfortable. So “other” from how we live.

Full schedules. Full bellies. Full minds.

Tell me, when is the last time you agreed to simply sit in His presence, to allow the conviction, the truth, the all-consuming love to settle in?

The power of the emptiness cannot be overestimated.

It is the space where we discover ourselves—

The expansiveness of our humanity,

The endurance that enables us to come alongside,

And the ever-present voice of a Creator who is not hidden but rather buried under what we chose [instead of Him] to cure and satisfy.

 It is not by accident that the very thing that has saved my life over these past three years—FASTING—is what we are called to do on behalf of others in their crisis season.

What are you willing to give up so that God’s power can move in?

 Fasting changes everything:

The way we think.

The way we pray.

The way we feel.

The way we connect with God.

The way God hears us.

The way we heal.

When we choose to heal ourselves through a life of less-is-more, the trajectory of the whole world shifts. Does this sound like woo woo?

 Then all the Israelites, the whole army, went up to Bethel, and there they sat weeping before the Lord. They fasted that day until evening and presented burnt offerings and fellowship offerings to the Lord.

I sit in self-reflection. Me. The one thing I can control. In all my actions, hidden and evident, I am called to live according to what purifies, strengthens, preserves.

 In the early moments of Stage IV Uterine Cancer, I was afraid. And then I asked, “Can I count on myself in this moment?” I learned quickly that I can. Throughout the pages of this Journal, I speak with passion about my Metabolic Approach to Life. It is the thing I hold above all others that has kept me alive.

I wonder with all my being, perhaps it can also give others life?!

He fasted for forty days and forty nights and afterwards...he. was. hungry.
This is the most profound line ever written about changing the trajectory of our existence in a material, consumer-driven world.

The temptation is to smirk at the obvious nature of the second part of the verse.
But ask yourself, “When is the last time I was hungry?”
The answer may be surprising. Even profound.

Without the void you may not even recognize what you are really hungry for—

To be willing to walk away from things that bring you comfort,
To be willing to be emptied so you can be filled—this is the space between the human and the heavenly, the space where we are healed.

When we begin to value what doesn’t go into our bodies as much as what does our grief [empathy for others] becomes more vivid. And that makes all the difference. Because I love you. Janene

NOTES:

Steadfast. Strong. Fortified. These three words not only define the word [Fasting] but have become my way of life. Nutrition has always been central to my being. But I confess there have been seasons when my knowledge eclipsed my willingness to apply its principles to how I lived. Enter cancer. The metabolic approach to my disease cannot be disputed or ignored.  "Compelling" is the word that describes what I've learned. What compels you to make decisions in your life? Fasting, for me, in not just some days. But every single day for at least 16 hours, and twenty-four hours once a week.

My faith has framed fasting as an act of obedience, drawing those who believe closer to the Lord. For me, fasting is this but SO MUCH MORE. The Creator of all things admonishes, "When you fast..." [Matthew 6:16]. There is no "if" in this verse. The One who Created us knows precisely how we were engineered, body/mind/spirit. This is why I consider, "When you fast," to be a prescription for my health and the health of the world.

One of the most empowering and life-giving things I have ever done is to become increasingly mindful about what I allow in my body and when. Along with our spiritual connection, our physiology is strengthened through approaching the concept of “nourishment” in a completely different way. What we devour [food, words, entertainment, relationships] becomes us—It alters our thinking, our strength, our emotions, and our rest. It changes the productivity of our every-days and the trajectory of our lives.

Did you know when we deprive the body of food, our cells activate toxic clean-up processes that are not typically stimulated when a steady stream of fuel is present?

Fasting promotes revelation—we begin to see things in new ways. Fasting awakens self-control—we discover an untapped power in restraint.

Fasting activates deliverance—we uncover our ability to restructure our situations and our very selves. Our minds become more clear. Our bodies are detoxified. Our entire system is reenergized. Our bodies are refocused on healing rather than merely being satiated. Our blood sugar is regulated. Our inflammation is decreased, we feel lighter and less tied to pain. Our heart health is enhanced, both physically and emotionally. Our metabolism speeds up and we have more energy to really live.

As a species we were designed and called to fast. Never more than now.