THE RISKS WE TAKE

Perhaps there is no easy way with cancer. But I chose the one most misunderstood. That choice has cost me the respect of some. But it has also saved my life.

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We must decide what we can endure. In fact, with every hard decision there is no easy way out. So often it comes down to this—

Do we place our lives in the hands of others in an effort to avoid the agony of having no one to blame but ourselves?

At 4am there is only me awake with myself. Those with large opinions about my life are busy resting without regard for consequences lived out.

BUT I HAVE LIVED THE REPERCUSSIONS OF BELIEFS HELD THAT ARE CONTRARY AND UNCOMMON—

Moving 23 times,
Choosing the homes no one else would.
Changing course when traditional medicine failed me,
Making seemingly impossible changes to shift the trajectory of my health.

“You are a risk taker,” someone recently muttered with heaping measures of judgement and undertones of disdain. I take note that I must be careful not to evaluate what I do not intimately know for myself. 

To run into danger. The genesis of the word [risk]  enthralls me—
To run into the possibility of being misunderstood
To run into being vulnerable perhaps more than I should
To run into the awkwardness of standing alone or standing out
To run into saying what your heart is aching to shout.

IN THIS CONTEXT,  I HAVE LIVED A DANGEROUS LIFE. I HAVE VENTURED HEADFIRST INTO THE UNKNOWN.

What have you risked lately that has brought you closer to understanding the limits you place on others and yourself?

I’m asking not because I’m concerned that you are living too far on the edge but because I believe you might be living too tightly wound.

When we fail to risk, we risk missing out…
Not from being popular or included, not from being invited in,
But from running with abandon toward a purpose not able to be fully defined until we take the first step to simply begin.

This is what it is to truly risk. To cling less to the familiar, to become enraptured with the secrets held just for you…for us…in the realm of the unknown.

NOTES:

This next week I am taking what some might consider a huge risk by launching a new website that puts my hopes and dreams on full display—
A book in the works. Design consultation. Working with groups of women to fully-realize their dreams. Even Patient Advocacy to put to good use the emotional and practical learnings from having “gone through” a difficult journey of my own.

Am I apprehensive? You can say absolutely, I am. But I am ready to risk what is necessary [my pride, my reputation, maybe even a little of my sanity] to uncover the secrets to having an intimate understanding of what it is to truly live.

I have noticed that cancer has done its best to steal little pieces of my confidence, even my joy over the last three years. And so, this launch is less WEBSITE and more PROCLAMATION that I will not shy away from a bold purpose.  

 If you see me running toward danger, don’t ask me to slow down. Join me in my pursuit of living all the way in.