NECESSARY THINGS
More than once I’ve checked my luggage, boarded the aircraft and nestled into my seat only to bolt through the open cockpit door and onto the jetway before realizing all the implications of what I had done.
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She sounds crazy, this version of me, looking back. At the time I felt so weak, so helpless, but now I only see that iteration of me as extraordinarily strong.
To have boarded the plane at all under such self-duress is evidence of a kind of determination I admire. Then there is the other reality. That is, I had such little understanding of who I was at the time:
Me, inhabiting this inexplicable fear,
Yet, unable to admit it, even to myself.
The consequences beyond extreme embarrassment included the entire contents of my suitcase being emptied on the tarmac. My erratic behavior made me a literal flight risk. Like the black tar sticking to my clothes, the disappointment in myself was permeating.
Those of us who often appear the strongest carry a intolerance for weakness in ourselves. That intolerance makes us unwilling or incapable to be honest about our need.
I have written of the mystery of ourselves—how disconnected we sometimes are from who we are within. Our bodies have a language of their own, speaking to us in whispers often so inaudible we fail to hear until the voice commandeers our attention.
There came a time when I finally admitted that “powering through” wasn’t working. Over four consecutive weekends I immersed myself in a Fear of Flying Clinic that changed everything about how I would ultimately respond to the hard moments of my life.
Did you know an aircraft only needs one engine? Or that only one pilot is fully capable of landing a plane?
The onboard redundancies we’ve come to expect—of pilots and landing gear, life vests and even wings—are surprisingly “not strictly necessary” but embedded in the experience should catastrophe occur.
What on board systems do you count on when the unexpected happens in your life?
In my most anxious moments I had nothing but the sheer will of my intention to get me through. And I wore that determination like a badge of honor, “Look how strong I am!”
But our bodies are paying attention to our neglect:
The way we speak to and about ourselves when we’re frustrated,
The way we push ourselves too hard and far at the end of the day,
The way we make excuses for our unhealthy habits,
The way we allow others to emotionally and physically invade our sacred space.
When the body has failed to get our attention, its last resort is filling us with dread. Anxiety is the language of neglect, of something weighty and measurable we’ve missed along the way.
What have you missed? What are the messages your body is sending that you continually ignore?The anxiety you’ve made peace with is at war with who you really are and your body is paying the price.
I think the most remarkable thing about the concept of redundancy is that it compensates for unforeseen problems when traveling at high speeds. The aircraft is equipped to continue on without losing its momentum even when faced with life-threatening conditions…
Are you able to continue on when abrupt encounters interrupt your plans?
Of course, this newfound knowledge instilled an unexpected sense of in-air confidence and peace. But more than simply becoming a way of rethinking my flight experience, it has become an entire life philosophy that has equipped me to face the most challenging seasons of my life.
Over the last three years, I’ve learned to check in with my body as if my life depends on it, because it does. And I’ve become kinder with the way I speak to myself, giving it the softer, loving assurance that it craves.
Not strictly necessary—
The thing not obviously needed,
A force lying dormant,
An essential part underestimated.
Ask yourself what happens when your primary system fails.
Did you know that an aircraft never flies without carrying more life vests than the number of people on board? “Who will I save if I am unable to save myself?” is the question this inspires.
I used to think I could do anything. But doing everything has a cost.
When's the last time you checked in with your body/mind/spirit to find out if their intention is aligned?
The most remarkable people I know are emotionally and physically ready for anything. They are unfaltering and unwavering when life catches them off guard.
They exert extraordinary power in being vulnerable with themselves—
If I am honest about who I am,
Even in my weakest moment,
Even when I don’t get it right,
In times I disappoint the world,
I’ll reach in deep and find myself,
And acknowledge all the things that make me strong.
A faith that trusts when all else fails.
A husband that guides me when I can’t find my way out.
Friends who remind me of the good I’ve created when the future seems unclear.
These are the redundancies inside of me. As necessary as breath.
NOTES:
Typically, I include the photo caption at the very end. But this one is special—of all the “Necessary Things” in my life, my grandson, Archie, is at the top of the list. I was just putting the finishing touches on this entry and my little man burst through the door and said, “My Nēne, look at this movie I just got!” Meant to be? I think, absolutely. These little Divine moments are for me, necessary, to keep me moving ahead.
The secret to life, it seems, is carrying the backup components within you that can take over in case of a malfunction in the primary systems on board.
What are the backup components explicit to who you are in the world that are necessary to keep you moving ahead?
Identify them. Cultivate them. Value and covet them as “lifesaving” because they are.
Sit with your body and take an audit of what you’re feeling.
Examine what’s going on in your life that can be causing this stress [emotionally, spiritually, mentally, nutritionally]—
What unresolved conflict is haunting you?
Have you betrayed yourself in the way you’re living your life?
Have you turned away from something hard that needs to be done?
Is there something that has been left unsaid?
RELATED POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/the-mystery-of-ourselves
www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/no-shame-in-rest
ON PILOT REDUNDANCY: Flight from Birmingham Airport headed to Malaga Airport in Spain, British Airways Flight 5390 suffered an explosive decompression when an improperly installed windscreen panel separated from its frame, causing the captain to be partially ejected from the aircraft. He was held in place through the window frame for 20 minutes while the first officer flew the aircraft solo and landed at Southampton Airport.