MAY I?
My mama was exacting with her language— “Can I” was never allowed. Instead, we began our petitions with “May I” and, like a secret code unlocked the vast possibilities of an infinite world.
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This is the month my second grandbaby will leave the safety of a solitary liquid realm of heartbeat rhythms and mama’s sweet coos and kisses to join me and my own mama as the third generation in a row of May babies.
May comes to all of us like a promise—
an ushering in of flowers pushing through seed coat and soil,
a laboring [in its own right] to bring forward a breathtaking thing.
I, along with our Earth, blossom in Spring. I feel the effects of this rare sunshine and I’m surprised by just how hibernated my body has been. Those of us who live tucked into the harshness of the seasons recognize and celebrate [robustly] the abundance of life May brings.
To add to this euphoria is an anticipation of another Baby Kraft.
This miracle. Evidenced in the growing belly of a mama.
I am more in awe than ever of what gift this life is.
We slumber, then awaken, called to meet this moment from the minute we are born—
harsh and literally breathtaking as it is.
From the time I was little, my own mama [born May 14] understood the subtle difference and power shift between a simple word exchange:
“Can I?” Denotes a question as to whether we are capable.
“May I?” Infers that while we are capable, someone else is in control.
Despite the strength of my own character, I do not despise the truth that someONE other than me orders my steps.
Like a loving mother, my safety, my well-being, my growth, even my future is held by the Creator of all things.
“May I” is evidence of a dream unfolding, a hidden desire expressed.
It is genesis of a bold idea, a purpose opening, like a flower bending toward the light.
These past weeks I have felt the prompting of my own dream flowering and through it, “May I” has been a constant and permeating prayer. I have not yet received my answer but my own yearning leaves me wondering…
On this fourth day of May, what dream is growing in you?
To the degree that I am able, I feel called in this moment to speak a blessing over the endless possibilities blossoming in your life—
May you comprehend to the fullest, your value,
May you find and live your purpose in this life.
May you act boldly and with conviction,
May you refuse to hesitate.
May you discover peace within you,
May you continue to believe no matter what transpires.
May you seek the best for others,
May you strive to live your own best life.
May you lay down sword and pick up hammer,
May you build something enduring with the gifts you have.
May you believe that good [even seemingly rerouted] is coming,
May you bring beauty to your home, your neighborhood, your world.
May you awaken [everyday] with anticipation,
May you put away anger, bitterness, and strife.
May you come closer to your Creator,
May you seek Him in every encounter and sense His presence in every good and hard thing.
May your prayers be answered often enough to bring you hope,
May you trust and move forward even when the answer doesn’t come.
May you recognize your existence is a wonder,
May you be the miracle in someone else’s life.
May you bring good to all situations, even if your efforts aren’t recognized.
May you love to the outer edges of your capacity,
Then May you stretch to love just a little more.
NOTES:
This is the first [and last] time you will see my grandbaby, this tiny life not ours to consume.
Just three days after Baby’s debut, I will turn 65.
I hesitated to mention my age, but then thought that through it you may be inspired.
You would think with cancer, the main idea would be staying alive. But what drives me forward is not the number of years but the abundance of wonder I can pack into every second I’m still here.
You have probably noticed that I haven’t mentioned whether Baby is boy or girl…that will be a marvelous secret to unveil when the timing is right. For now, pray for Erin [Mama] as she undergoes a necessary c-section on May 16.
May she be showered by the blessings of my community, the people I love most and best. We will covet your requests.
IMAGE: Erin and Baby Kraft captured by the remarkable @chelseyshawphotography