LIKE A MOTHER, PART TROIS

By the time I was in labor with my third son, I had given up any romanticized notion of a quiet room, lights dimmed low, soft music playing in the background. Throwing birthing plan aside, bringing another human into the world is an in-the-moment thing—internal, singular, rabidly solo, a sacrifice of the body to usher in this unearthly, extraordinary being.

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We share this in common…the trauma of leaving the safety of our original sanctuary and making our way into the world. When I doubt what I am capable of, I imagine the struggle of me in my most vulnerable state, fighting to bring myself forward into the world. No matter the quiet of the room or soft music accompanying the arrival, there is a measure of trauma in every story, whether we remember it or not.

Like A Mother. This is the genesis of the phrase. To be strong enough [both mother and baby] to endure this wild journey into the world. We measure all things that come after in context of this foundation of our being—

WHEN IT COMES TO DOING LIFE THERE IS NO EASY WAY OUT, NO CHANGING YOUR MIND, NO TURNING BACK.
IT’S THIS FULL-THROTTLE COMMITMENT THAT UNLEASHES THE POWER IN EVERY HIDDEN CORNER OF OUR LIVES.

If it’s true that our transformation is embedded in the very center of the hardest thing, why do we dedicate our precious energy to looking for a way out?

If you ask my three sons, they will tell you that making and keeping a commitment is where the momentum lies. The trajectory of everything shifts when we determine to move forward no matter how difficult it gets.

In childbirth then, just as in cancer now…there is no turning back—

THE COMMITMENT IS NOT WHETHER I WILL OR WILL NOT ENDURE, BUT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE AS I’M GOING THROUGH.
WHAT EXTRAORDINARY ENDEAVOR HAVE YOU SET YOUR MIND TO?

In the hard moment we discover what we are capable of—
Our settling on something brings calm in the midst of chaos,
Our resolve pushes all doubt and confusion aside,
Our strength births a new level of capable we never knew we had.

I wrote once—

I am a warrior, not because my body is strong but because my will is mighty.

I think this could be my epitaph. If it is, nothing could make me more proud.

On May 8, 2021, I posted the first, Like a Mother entry in the Journal.
The second one followed May 7, 2022.

We [Ron, our three sons, and I] are celebrating our third Mother’s Day with an incurable disease quietly nestled in the background of every little moment of our lives. The notion of time, and its value, makes the big and small battles both necessary and needless all at once.

I have grown comfortable with the notion that heaven and earth intersect even in the most mundane. We push through. Then free fall into the loving arms of a Creator who brought us here for a purpose only realized through the labor.

Which brings me to Mother’s Day.

Through all of it—
In the splendor,
In the sadness,
In exhilaration,
In pain,
Do life…Like A Mother.

Notes:

For my Mother’s Day gift, Kyle, Cameron, and Quinn shared the lessons they learned from me that they take with them in their everyday lives. Their unedited words speak to all of us:

Be confident in who you are.
Authenticity is the most attractive trait.

Stand up for what you believe is right, conviction in the face of tyranny.

View failure as an additional opportunity to succeed. The most profound lessons come in the midst of perceived failure.

Perseverance is the most under-appreciated word.

Never overlook the value of something old [people and places included].

Be okay with not being okay. Accept when you're at a loss and then rise above it. There can be honor in defeat and a lesson to be learned. 

Use your manners, even when no one is looking. Especially, chew with your mouth closed.

Dress to impress [one cannot underestimate the power of taking your appearance seriously].

Do it right the first time. Sometimes you’re not granted a second chance.

Patience by practice. Love is shown is many ways but perhaps none more important than patience...in life, relationships, and family. 

Cultivate a critical eye for noticing everything, particularly when it comes to building and design.

Respect the journey that others are on, even when faced with blatant disrespect of your own beliefs.

Disrespect is an indicator of lack of self-confidence and emotional maturity.

Love hard. Live honorably. These are deeply tied together. It is impossible to live honorably without loving others more than ourselves.

The tribe always comes before the individual. We find ourselves adrift without the safe harbor of family.

Speak well and with confidence. The ability to communicate clearly and effectively will provide positive outcomes in every area of life. 

Commit. Your word is your bond. If you commit to something or someone - hold fast and stay true.