THIS HUNGER FOR BELONGING
This Hunger For Belonging - A dear friend [in fact I was her babysitter when she was just a child] reached out and asked in I would share some "words of wisdom" with her daughter who is experiencing challenges in her first two weeks away at College…this is what came pouring out.
I thought it might be useful, in some way, to you. Much Love.
Just a few days ago, I received your beautiful mother’s request to provide “words of wisdom” as a College sendoff for you, her precious daughter. I imagine that you have already been inundated with well-wishes from numerous friends and family members who love you and wish the best for you. Upon receiving the request, I first felt a bit “irrelevant,” believing my contribution would be tardy and perhaps redundant to what has already been conveyed.
And then I thought, “timing is everything!”
I reminded myself that just when my message reaches you, it will be exactly the moment you might need some words of encouragement the most. You see, I know what the first few weeks of College feel like—
You are searching [hungrily] to find where you belong.
BELONGING is a powerful thing.
It is what drives us to seek out our tribe, sometimes settling for the company of “others” who may not hold us to our highest and best merely for the company and companionship they bring.
BELONGING or the lack of it is most acute when we leave those to whom we have belonged our entire lives. Even more confounding, in our grief in the leaving, we recall that we have left the cradle of our belonging by choice…BY CHOICE…and we question ourselves, even punish ourselves with an inexplicable hurt and anger over this choice to strike out on our own. We question, “how could I have been so foolish.”
And this is where we begin to lose our way…
In the moments when your heart and mind are having a battle amongst themselves, it is wise to remember that this season of your life is as much about learning who you are as it is learning about the world…
A friend of mine [a deeply respected, powerhouse woman] recently posted this quote and I believe it’s for you—
I’ll Never Fit In
That’s one of my best qualities
This is not to say that you don’t or won’t ever have the kind of tribe we all long for.
But BELONGING…that real, deep down sense of being anchored in the world…has more to do with belonging to self—a true sense of self—than it has to do with a relationship with others.
Real BELONGING is about that SENSE OF PURPOSE that is relentless
…a purpose that wakes us up in the morning and visits us in our dreams at night. BELONGING to purpose, direction, originality [especially originality] can only be discovered in the absence of others, absence of distraction. And everything else beyond the voice within IS distraction.
Being ok with walking away from the noise and the chaos—the “should be's” and the cookie-cutter antics of others breeds a different type of person…a next level person. These are the ones who tap into a frequency that plays softly like a movie score in the unseen places…the unexpected places…the unknown and unforeseen places…the “what God has next and blows us away" places.
THIS is where life is really lived. When chatter and noise, superfluous activity and conversation wash away and the voice inside is clearly heard, maybe even for the first time. This is where authenticity lies. The real you. The fascinating you. The one-of-a-kind you.
Don’t be afraid of this voice even if it means forsaking the familiar [for a season] and especially if it feels a bit lonely or uncomfortable.
LEAN IN AND LISTEN.
Practice this listening. Learn to make friends with the majesty of your own company. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Seek out others in the world who seem to be “otherworldly” in the way they live, how they speak, how they serve, and what they bring to the world. Most of these were lonely for a season [see quote above].
They, like you, took the steps toward independence that may not have always been exactly what they imagined but in the end, an independence that has brought them to a greater sense of themselves and their path.
What is YOUR path?
You will never find it by being part of the group. Your path is narrow with room for only one. Lined with exquisite tall trees that provide protection from the elements while still allowing just the right amount of sun to come streaming in. There are tears in my eyes as I write. I don’t have to know you well to understand that the words that I write are penned by an Author who knows you better than anyone.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN BELONGING.
Belong to a sense of self. Belong to the values you hold dear. Belong to your passions. Belong to those who made this journey possible and take great joy, each day, in knowing that you are their greatest legacy.