THE RITUALS OF LIFE
If there were flights to Paris or road trips through the winding roads that lead to Provence, these will not be what I remember in my last days. Only that he held my hand and guided me in cadence to some seemingly far-away music, surrounded by an invisible crowd.
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There is France. And the Danes. The garden, of course. And words thought of and laid down on paper like little pieces of me strewn about. Amongst life’s uncomplicated, beautiful pleasures, at the tippy top of the list is dancing with my sons.
This ritual—
Of Annie Lennox blaring in the kitchen,
Of bongo-playing Sunday mornings before loading in the car for church,
This song-accompanying of everyday moments, a part of us even before their births.
Perhaps because of the male/female thing of it, I’m not certain I ever realized just how much I look like this one. But here we are, profiles unmistakable, and then there is the 6’ 2” of us, my black leather boots adding the three inches necessary to bring us face to face.
The thing is, this four minutes and three seconds didn’t simply happen. We practiced in the great room, pressing our determination and sneakers into one-hundred-year-old fir floors. You can see it there, can’t you, that dignified confidence in the man that not only holds my hand but occupies an immeasurable piece of my heart?
We are all in, in this moment, absorbed not in the performance of steps rehearsed and memorized, but in the twists and turns our shared lifetime has elegantly choreographed.
If I could wish for more of something I would wish for this. That is, the uninterrupted procession of verse and chorus to take in all that he is.
This is the thing about the rituals of life: They pass more swiftly than we can ever expect. If I could go back and do it over, I would cultivate a thousand little opportunities to hold tighter to the ones I love.
It’s not only the getting lost in the music, it’s the intimacy created when we meet eye-to-eye. It’s abandoning all notion of perfection, to stretch, to bend, to sway, to glide.
I’m not certain of “proper etiquette” when it comes to a mama dancing on her son’s wedding day. But I can assure you, if there is an etiquette to be broken, broken it was.
Maybe there were whispers. Perhaps my lamé maxi dress was just a bit too tight. But I managed. Oh how I managed, to set the parquet floor on fire.
In case you are wondering, here are just some of the songs on the playlist…I highly recommend you crank up the sonos and dance to these. I will be smiling, imagining your moves, and if some of the words offend you, try to focus on the rhythms instead.
Hey Ya—Outkast
Mr. Brightside—The Killers
Electric Feel—MGMT
Love Shack—The B52’s
Doses and Mimosas—Cherub
Cupid Shuffle—Cupid
Temperature—Sean Paul
This is How We Do It—Montell
NOTES [written by the Groom, Cameron Kraft]:
When planning a wedding, even small decisions can become very difficult. You book the venue, send the invites, and order the flowers; you cross big items off the list and focus on the minutiae. Dances... Dear Lord, I have to dance in front of all those people.
Like my mother, words come easily and freely when I need to express myself. My wife inspires me every day, and the days leading up to our wedding were no different. I had to make several edits to get my vows down to 10 minutes, and even then, I had more to say. Dancing, however, is not my favorite form of self-expression. I feel awkward on display and detest being part of a spectacle, so you can imagine my level of anxiety going into this portion of the evening.
Mom and I listened to many songs to find the right musical representation of our relationship. We wanted to dance to a song that holds a special place in our hearts and speaks to our unique connection. We finally landed on 100 Years by Five For Fighting, a song whose melody and lyrics perfectly suited the two of us.
We practiced only once and choreographed a routine in the living room of my parent's beautiful home, with my father on the couch, watching us with a knowing smile. In the intervening days, I practiced in the safety and privacy of my home and looked toward this momentous day. Our ceremony was so beautiful. A quaint chapel was filled to the brim with all of the people we love, and I had eyes for no one but my stunning bride.
The dances came, and thank goodness I had some liquid courage in the form of some fabulous wines. Mom and I locked eyes from across the dance floor and started our routine as we had planned; the intimacy of a moment like this is so profound that it cannot be captured by words. This moment was a chance for a mother to say goodbye to the boy she once knew and for a son to take the lead in this new chapter of his life. This moment was ours. As we spun and glided across the dance floor and I led Mom through our steps, the joy in our hearts joined, and we found ourselves moving in harmony, produced by the deep connection between mother and son.
This is the thing about life, about moments like these; they contain a lifetime of love and instruction within them and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this rite of passage.
Images on Cameron’s and Mia’s wedding day [@byamylynn]:
ABOVE~Mother/Son dance with my middle son/the Groom, Cameron. BELOW~In step with my oldest son, Kyle. That’s Kyle’s wife, Erin, in the background, enjoying a good laugh while memorializing the moment.
