THE LAYERED LIFE
Some were manicured. Some were bitten and worn from labor and stress. These hands waited until the heart said so, until what was contained within found its way out. And then the overflowing came like a river and the creativity couldn’t be contained.
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Rather than flowers, I opted for crayons, brushes, and pencils instead. Jars filled with the colors of the garden sprouting from wooden stems crowded the center of the table.
And just before covering our fingers in gesso and matte medium I announced,
“Let’s paint the world with the color of our souls.”
DESIGN [OF ANY KIND] IS PROOF THAT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT GETTING A LITTLE MESSY. IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN THE MIDST OF A PROJECT, YOU KNOW. IT’S NATURAL TO PANIC WHEN THE DEBRIS AND CHAOS INFILTRATE EVERY CORNER—
TO QUESTION WHY WE EVER STARTED.
TO WONDER IF WE WILL EVER ENDURE.
We sit at the long table, a microcosm of energy forces, an incubator of our creative cells, and we are more than a little overwhelmed—
to be invited to an intimate Retreat of strangers,
to be willing to open up to others and ourselves.
Our paint brush and pencil [like our sanctuaries] become extensions of who we are, and we begin [as anything worthy always does] with a deep dive into what blocks and hinders.
“What is stopping you,” I question.
“You mean right now or in my life,” they ask?
I refuse to qualify.
I repeat the question and ask them to take up their charcoal pencil like some sharpened sword for battle and write all the hard stuff down. I have shared from time to time throughout this Journal that the pencil is a bridge between the musings of the heart and the concrete world.
Today, the proof of the statement overflows.
I wait in silence for minutes stacked on minutes, stretched out like a long and evident need—
A need to listen to oneself speaking,
A need to hear oneself think,
A need to be honest,
A need to come to terms with what is revealed.
Each Strathmore 11 x 17 fine tooth sketchpad is filled with documentation of a ravenous spirit, hungry to be heard.
They ask themselves, “What is stopping me?” And then the answers—
~Self doubt
~Fear of being alone
~My ovarian cancer
~Other people’s opinions
~Perfectionism
~Fear of rejection
~Not loving myself
~Judgement of self and others
~Limiting beliefs about who I am
I’m guessing some of these sound familiar. Our humanness is indisputably shared.
Yet we are not merely words written in charcoal on an ivory page. No belief, no story is black and white.
And so we begin by covering over what is stopping us, using all the colors of what we imagine we have the strength, wisdom, and passion to become.
Layer by layer, the textures of crayon and pencil, gesso, and sponge paint collide. We imagine what we desire, US embodied on the page, and holding that as our singular intention we create the breathtaking collage of what we long for, what we crave—
Layered over our fear,
Eclipsing our negativity and self-doubt,
A new picture of who we are emerges.
THERE IS NO BEAUTY CREATED THAT ISN’T FIRST BORN FROM WITHIN. THIS IS WHERE CREATIVITY BEGINS.
THE CREATION OF OURSELVES.
Body. Mind. Spirit. Environment. The table is four-legged, not three.
Who we are in the world depends first on who we are within.
NOTES:
This past weekend, eight of my dearest friends and colleagues from many chapters of my life came together at the first Sanctuary Living Retreat on Hayden Lake. Our time together was a “think tank” to forge the next chapter of Sanctuary Living including the launch of a book, a new website, and an advocacy training program designed to inspire a metabolic approach to life.
The canvases you see here will be used as inspiration for the cover of the book and the chapters within, each one representing the emotional ownership my readers have with what is written on each page.
It may surprise you that the lead image of the Journal entry was created by my Integrative MD, Dr. Marcela Dominguez. I think her creation is proof that healing is artistry, or at least they go hand-in-hand. When she was finished, Marcela asked, "Please use my canvas to represent the chapter on the importance of having fun." Isn't that extraordinary, that the woman with an intensely demanding career would recognize BALANCE as life-giving [and saving] in our lives?
If you would like to be a part of the next Retreat please let me know. I’d love for you to join me as we work together to inspire and equip others to live the life we all long for—in our minds, in our bodies, in our spirits, in our homes.
