HARD THINGS

Somehow the DJ missed his cue and cranked up his best version of Sexual Healing for the Mother-Son Dance.

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 According to Brides Magazine there are ninety-one perfect choices for the Mother-Son song.  Ours wasn’t one of them. I’m not suggesting you google this, but if you were inclined, you would discover that the words are anything but ideal.

And still, we laughed until we cried.

Maybe right now, you are too.

It doesn’t take the madness of the rest of the world to bring us to tears.

All we need do is come up close, to take stock of our own imperfect lives.

Smiling, in the midst of so much suffering, seems impossible, maybe even irreverent to do.

Did you know that there are millions around the globe who participate in continual corporate prayer and meditation to “raise the vibration” of a hurting world?

To bring it just a little closer to home, my friend, Natalie [who is one of the most driven and responsible people I know] shared that a line in my blog last week inspired her to seek out what she called, Intentional Happiness.  

Is it not a beautiful endeavor to determine to be as happy as we are far too often so terribly sad?

On my website, at the top of the blog page, it reads—

Welcome to the Journal. A collection of love letters to my readers, capturing all the hard and beautiful moments that intersect yours.

Over the past three-and-a-half years, we’ve shared two-hundred-and-ten Saturdays together. Our lives, intertwined, in this crazy, mystifying, mixed up dance. Sometimes we just can’t seem to find our steps, let alone the right song. 

Let’s focus in on just this past week alone—

A friend from high school tragically lost his life.

Another endured his fourth round of grueling chemo.

A dear one is contemplating leaving the position she fought so hard to get.

A completely failed septic system backed up every toilet in my home.

Nearly every text or conversation recently has contained some kind of negative news.

This is the part of my reality that mostly likely mirrors yours.

And I can’t help thinking you, like me, feel completely overwhelmed.

Yet, it must be said that this chronic anxiety we’ve leaned into does anything but elevate the state of our own existence, never mind the state of the world.

There is a story of two babies, only one survived. Both given food and shelter. One enveloped in love. One never held. When a baby dies from lack of nurture, we call it, “Failure to thrive.”

But what of the story on the other side?

It is love that entices us to the adventure of life.

Who then, are we called to be in the presence of the hard and hardest moments of our lives—

Shall we neglect to surround others and ourselves with goodness in the midst of evil?

Shall we fail to bathe this present darkness in light?

What then is this love embodied which lures us to life?

What does it look and feel like?

I recognize it by its opposite: An insatiable need to burrow in the rabbit hole of grievance and strife.

When you come to me, will I hold you?

Will I speak solutions over your circumstance?

Will my soft words bring you solace?

Will my faith in you restore your belief in yourself?

As for today, this two-hundred-and-eleventh Saturday of writing, I decided to make you laugh. Maybe just a little.

Maybe to make you feel light-hearted even if only for awhile.

Until the dose of joy you feel today, will turn into daily habit.

Until the Universe conspires.

We weren’t meant to linger in the hard moment, but to pass through it. Not so swiftly that we neglect to leave evidence of our humanity behind. Sometimes that evidence is laughter. Sometimes it’s tears.

 If you’re asking yourself, “Did the Mother-Son moment really happen?”

It really did. And we chose to dance with abandon.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds.

 NOTES:

Photo Caption:  This is right about the moment when we realized the song was nothing like the one we had chosen. Kyle's expression says it all...I particularly love his Best Man's face in the background. The rest of the guests were just trying to act as if nothing was [terribly] wrong. 

Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed, I stop and tease out what’s really going on. It helps to me to go through an exercise I call, “Taking Stock,” which allows me to differentiate between three things—

 1.    Actual Hard Moments:

a.    Do these involve me, did I contribute in some way?

b.   Is there something I can do to bring resolution?

c.    If so, what is my plan?

2.    Things I Perceive as Hard:

a.    Is my own anxiety blowing the situation out of proportion?

b.   Are my own [body/mind] limitations skewing the reality?

c.    Is my limited understanding of the situation bringing unnecessary intensity to the scene?

3.    Am I Making It Harder Than It Has to Be?

a.    Am I being overly dramatic?

b.   Am I impatient and insistent on doing it my way?

c.    Am I unwilling to admit that my way may be wrong or outdated, am I too rigid or reluctant to learn?

 

 

MORE READING ON MY STAY AT HOPE4CANCER, THIS TIME LAST YEAR

https://www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/is-it-obvious

https://www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/the-art-of-the-free-fall

https://www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/all-of-everything

https://www.sanctuaryliving.life/thejournal/twenty-one-days