EVERY THREE MONTHS
INTRO: My hairstylist recently asked me, “How has your cancer changed the way you live your life.” I found myself answering as I hoped I would—
Surprisingly, the colors aren't faded but more vivid than before—In many ways, my creativity has intensified because I'm no longer interested in pleasing others so much as being true to myself—
As we face another three-month exploration [this week] of where my disease is now, Ron and I decided not dwell on the "what if" but rather throw ourselves into a little adventure of our own…that is, creating and constructing a glamping tent tucked into the wooded forest overlooking pines and lake.
A distraction? Maybe. But I see it more as a pouring out of everything I am. Because there is no time to modulate, hesitate, contemplate. Simply do what you love. Right now.
We all have things that stick with us, that haunt and work their way into our thoughts when we’re going about our day. Some are self-inflicted. Others are divinely designed.
Mine is cancer. Stage 4 uterine cancer to be precise.
Some of you might say, “Isn’t she done talking about this?” My response to you would sound something like this—
We are our story. That story never completely evaporates. We carry it with us in our every-days, like little id cards with our vital statistics—5' 9", blonde, cancer warrior.
Our story is linked to us. Like the moon to our cycles. Like the planets to the sun.
Have we forgotten that the rain falls on the garden, watering the soil that grows the plants that feed the tiny creatures invisibly cradled in a microcosm as complex as our own?
I breathe in oxygen, gravity holds me firmly in place. I have to ask, does my body belong only to me or am i inseparably connected to creation itself?
Like nature, we are inextricably linked, not only to one another but to an intricate and grand design—To be celebrating life one moment and talking to an oncologist the next. This is the mystery of an existence that simultaneously delights and terrifies. Woven in this moment is a decision to be made—will I kick and scream or lean in all the way?
I think we are handcrafted in the hard moment, not the easy or benign. What we go through isn’t isolated to an instant, but chiseled like artistry into the breadth and depth of eternal time.
My. Response. Changes. Everything.
Not only in me but in my people, in my community, in the world.
How magnificent our imperfect lives, our imperfect selves.
The Japanese have a name for it—
Wabi-sabi—A celebration of imperfection, its inevitability and transience.
The beauty is in the imperfection.
The beauty is life itself.
The beauty is existence. Undefined. Unpredictable. Unjudged.
Every three months has taught me that my body is a mystery and a miracle,
that I am capable of healing from so much more than I ever believed,
that I have vastly underrated how every thought, each decision impacts what happens inside of me.
Mostly, I have been entrusted with an intimate understanding that we do not have all the time in the world.
Fear, disbelief, and doubt do not own my body. I t is I who reside in veins, and heart, soul, and cell. Today, I will lean into The part of me I thought I never wanted. This anguish that ultimately made me well.
In Swedish the word “Hope” means literally, "To jump"—
To leap into a vast unknown that we cannot script.
To fall into a belief that what transpires is necessary to who we are to become.
To see each circumstance from a loftier view, not as an isolated moment, but linked to all the little pieces of our unlimited selves. Therefore, in every moment, if there is breath, there is hope.
It's not the moment I expected. But it's the moment I've been given.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF—
What blessing could come from this? Write down every single thing that comes to mind.
Who can support me in this moment? List every name, even those you don't know well.
Who can I help through this? Imagine the people you could benefit and bless.
What life or mind can I change because of my deep and personal knowledge of the subject? Your journey is linked with others in ways you cannot imagine.
How can I be a relevant voice? Is your purpose tucked inside this surprise?
What could I learn from the experience? Growth comes in unexpected places.
How could this experience transform my reality for the better?
What resources are available to help me through? Thousands of organizations infused with compassionate people exist to come alongside.
What could potentially happen negatively if I reject this reality or approach in anger or fear? There is always a consequence, good or bad.
Who could this bring me closer to? My authentic self, self-love, a particular person, my Creator? 
