THE MYSTERY OF OURSELVES
It is precisely because we resist the darkness in ourselves that we miss the depths of the loveliness, beauty, brilliance, creativity, and joy that lie at our core—Thomas Moore, Dark Nights of the Soul
When all this started, I would take a deep breath and gather myself, as if calling on all the strongest parts of me to line up like little soldiers in full defense each time the test results were shared.
Getting right to the very heart of it—I am in awe of how much time we spend protecting ourselves...from ourselves.
This morning I am fasting. As with most moments when we are sorely in need of examining who we are, when it comes to blood-drawing, food and other indulgences are inhibitors of clarity.
The hunger makes everything seem vivid and imperative and yet my brain feels slow—a breathtaking built-in mechanism that subdues the reactive me while awakening my soul.
I am reminded as I prep for my appointment with sips of lemon water and heating pad, that the ancient Greeks practiced bloodletting in attempt to purge the body of “bad energy.” It seems these days we carry much of that.
We have come to be so overwhelmed by the effect of other people's refusal to know and love themselves, when the thing most-threatening to our survival is what we bury, unexamined and unreconciled—
The brokenness of spirit, the disappointment in how things did or did not work out.
All this exquisite imperfection, denied, laid aside, but still essential to the story of who and what I am.
eighteen vials, six pokes, and bruises on my arms and hands are living sacrifice on behalf of being unafraid to know:
Ignorance does not set me free from the truth of who I am.
Things left unattended, like tiny needles, poking their way into head and heart. If I look the other way, I may neglect what my body is trying to tell me and miss the opportunity to fully live.
WHY 18 TUBES?—My integrative oncologist and I have joined forces with Dr. Nasha Winters [author of Metabolic Approach to Cancer] to find out what’s really going on within. You might remark, “Well, of course it’s cancer,” but cancer isn’t some isolated thing.There is this troubling reality, that is, we all carry cancer cells. The mystery is, why do some of us remain perfectly well while others are infiltrated with disease?The secret to cancer, like every other aspect of our lives, is information. The more we know, the more effectively we can respond.Sometimes that information comes slowly and most of us are not the waiting kind. Without exploring the details and nuances, we jump to our own conclusions and our subsequent reactions are built on something less than the fullness of truth.I think the message of 17 tubes is to be still long enough to get it right.Even in the moments when we feel panic and unstable, the Creator of all things implores us to be anxious for nothing.
Note from the editor
Hello fellow journal readers, my name is Jordan Abina and I've had the honor of being the editor and site manager fro Sanctuary Living since it's beginning. It has been a joy enabling people to be encouraged by the words Janene has written every Saturday for over a year.
I met Janene at church and we connected as she shared her dream to communicate to a larger audience concerning sanctuary spaces and life and it's been a joy to see that dream come to fruition. My journey has taken my family away from where Janene and I first met in Napa, and now I live in France, a place Janene loves dearly.
As you know and have read from the Kicking and Screaming journal entries, Janene is fighting cancer and believing in God for healing. Not surprisingly, Janene has seen tons of support from loved ones and there has been a GoFundMe page set up for her detailing the case study she is writing along with her Integrative Oncologist regarding the state of the art, experimental cancer treatments she hopes to undergo.
If you, like me, have been blessed and encouraged by the words Janene has shared, would you please consider following this link to the GoFundMe page and find out how you can join others in support of Janene during this time?
I know it brings Janene delight to share her life and story with you, and she hopes that it brings just a little light into your life each week. Thank you for taking the time to read her words, thank you for leaving your comments, and thank you for checking out the GoFundMe page as well. In times like these, all we have is each other, and I'm thankful that you are a part of the Sanctuary Living family.
LINK - Janene Kraft, Medical Treatment Foundation
May God bless you.
Jordan Abina
jordanabina.com