NO SHAME IN REST

Meet me through Cameron’s lens, the boy who crowded into the bathroom with his brothers and shaved my head. “G.I. Jane,” he shouts above the motor and the waves. And this is the smile that transcends any notion of a hard season put to rest.

Rest. For me, a tiny word that has always wedged its way between exhaustion and what feels like nearly dead.

Is it a skepticism of an eternity that makes us push the boundaries of our bodies and our days?

I feel the limitations of my own humanity more than ever now. Oh, how I want to be that “G.I. Jane” that my sons see.

It’s breathtaking that the battledress of a soldier is called Fatigues. To the end there is a tireless dedication to the mission. When I think of this kind of sacrifice it literally makes me weep.

We are all fatigued. But is it from the carrying out of some extraordinary mission? Or are we exhausted from the lack of true meaning in our lives?

There are so many causes now, too many to count. The stress of a “well-informed” life allows confusion to take root in surprising places. And the confused mind says no— No to settling issues. No to reconciliation. No to productivity. No to a genuinely fulfilling life.

The mind races. And so, Rest is not only the laying down of the body but the quieting of the mind.

Rest is the opposite of doing nothing. It is the child of satisfaction, born of something finished or of something extraordinary just begun.

I consciously sift through my thoughts, “Taking Stock,” I call it. One by one I ask, “Is this battle mine?” If not, I set it free. The uncluttered mind becomes a dance floor with a glittering disco ball in the middle of the room. And the neurons begin to flit through the body, stirring the spirit* within.

Rest is an awakening, a dawning, a revival. Not the dark night.

Me on a boat. The. Wind. In. My Hair. What an exhilarating sentence to write. Our bodies are always trying to tell us something, whispering exactly what we need. Look what comes from the willingness to lay down for a season, little wisps of rejuvenation and renewal.  

I am learning to rest. How to quiet my mind. How to ignore, filter, let go. What is left…what I do with what is left… will define my legacy in the end. 

In the end, let what is left of me be love.

*This is the season of the Spirit, when any other prompting will not do—

Exodus 33:14
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you not know that your body is a temple [Sanctuary] of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.